In the movie, Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation (1962), one of the young mothers repeats a creed she read in a magazine. It basically states that “noted child psychologists suggest saying NO to a child leads to neurosis.” This mother was allowing her 2 children to behave unruly, disrupting the other’s vacation and causing chaos. The result of heeding this sage advice was 2 out of control children and a houseful of unhappy adults.
A child is not born with instinctive skills to deal with what is expected, allowed, or appropriate. This is something that is taught and then nurtured. Raising health children takes dedication and consistency, especially when creating acceptable boundaries.
Setting boundaries or expectations is essential in promoting healthy habits in all aspects of a child’s life. They understand how to respect authority, respect other’s boundaries, and how to treat others with thoughtfulness and consideration. Boundaries set guidelines used for interactions within the home, school and society itself.
Boundaries provide safety and security. They are essential in creating a peaceful and calm environment by setting routines and schedules. They teach time management as well as aiding in family interactions. Establishing boundaries and routines conveys a predictability that insures children that their immediate world is secure and prevents problems of being overwhelmed.
Saying No, especially, results in very healthy attitudes. It teaches respect, for themselves, for others, for their parents, and for time itself. It also teaches manners and promotes self-confidence. Saying no and allowing a child to process and then perform within the expected constraints helps prepare them for proper behavior in dealing with their immediate world and eventually, the entire world.
Saying no can create a predictability and stability a child requires and actually seeks. It confirms parental responsibilities and children’s expectations. For instance, if a parent never teaches a child not to touch a hot stove (yes this is a very old example) the child will not understand the safety lesson and eventually hurt itself. This may seem like a small incident but it grows as does the child’s world.
Establishing boundaries and expectations when you say No should begin as early as 7 months, when your child starts to crawl. This may seem too soon, but it is your job to protect your child. Always removing a danger is not as effective as training that child to avoid what you have told them was a ‘no no.’ It is in this early stage that baby is capable of understanding verbal prompts. It is also the phase when their testing of limits begins. They have developed a will and now seem make it their mission to push past any limits you may set. It is at this stage that you should introduce boundaries. Be consistent and give verbal prompts when No is necessary. A tap on their hand combined with a firm no is very effective. Repetition of these steps will insure your child understand his limits as set by you.
Boundaries indicate limits. Setting and maintaining limits as well as rules, is very necessary in helping to promote your child’s positive development. Boundaries are not set to prevent growth or inhibit a child’s natural instinct to explore. If a parent does not introduce boundaries or set limits for their child, society and life may just find a more severe manner of teaching that lesson. Be proactive in setting healthy boundaries for your child and teach them personal responsibility. Learning responsibility allows a child to handle most expectations. Understanding inappropriate behaviors is not instinctive. Responsibility must be taught and nurtured through parental guidance. Provide boundaries that will allow growth and protect your child and one day your child will thank you by becoming a productive, well-mannered, and kindhearted adult.
