It begins in infancy. Baby boys are drawn to motion—I remember seeing this clearly when my little charge, Joshua was about 3 months old. He would follow the mobile till it was out of sight. Baby girls are more drawn to sounds and faces. Again I can draw from experience. My granddaughter McKenna had this elaborate mobile but would only stop fussing to focus on my face and the sound of my voice.
It is a fact Jack! Boys are hard-wired (literally) to be more physical and active than girls. So, do we need to make them more of a “boy” by always making sure they play hard and rough? My answer would be a resounding NO.
Here is the reason why I feel this way. If a boy child’s brain is already hard-wired for energy and aggression, then it would make sense to try and insure they are well-rounded by introducing quite time, nurturing play and even some level of “understated” play, even if it is just reading or some quiet activity.
Researchers now believe the male predisposition to higher energy activities is due to androgens, not testosterone as previously believed. This leads to wrestling, some level of fighting, and a need for power (struggle) so believing we need to instill more male features and keep them strong and tough may actually create too much Male aggression for them to handle. They need skills to help them calm as much as they need to expend energy.
We know the roles a father plays in his son’s life. He is usually the one who wrestles on the floor or teaches his son to play ball or ride a bike. But, mother’s roles are equally important. We will discuss more on that in my next blog as well as how that activity level plays out as they grow.
The saying “boys will be boys” is far from the whole story. Boys will be so much more when they have been given the proper tools to help them know how to handle their agitation and find peaceful ways of self-soothing. Moms and dads can both be instrumental in teaching your son how to calm himself down without the stress of getting into trouble or being yelled at first. Little boys are naturally more active and so verbal cues are not as effective on them as they would be on a girl.
Boys need much firmer limits due to their energy levels. This means that you need to allow them the chance to spend as much energy as possible but when it is time for a less vigorous activity, you need to reinforce a bit firmer than you might for your daughter. Girls can read non-verbal cues (they are better at reading faces and discerning what is acceptable) than boys. They can tell by a tone what is required where a boy may need a couple more reminders— nuances can be lost on them because their minds are already on the next movement. Do not expect them to just stop mid-high energy level—that is simply asking too much of them.
It is also proven that many boys learn to talk later than girls and as a result have a difficult time connecting their thoughts and feelings to words so they become very frustrated and act out when all they meant to do is let you know they are not quite sure what is expected. This is not to say they do NOT understand it just means it takes them a bit more time to process and get their brain to catch up with their body and slow it down. This is also one of the reasons why when they crash (fall asleep) they crash!
The question now is how to raise healthy, well rounded boys. Someone has to do it—so who? The ideal situation is both parents but mothers will play a vital role is helping their sons deal with the difference between action and reaction.
"I have dedicated my life to the care and welfare of children. I feel privileged to share what I have learned with you. I am also committed to continuously learning. I will keep informed of the latest information in parenting children from newborns to teens and pass it on to all of you.” I will also use that same passion to help you create a dynasty generate increases in your business with straightforward and specialized media managing skills that guarantee your connection and scope will grow. Keep up to date reading our posts and discover valuable insights that can make parenting and succeeding in the business of the blogger– the most exciting adventure. (Debbie Twomey)
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Yes, I think this was very thoughtfully written.
Boys do need quiet time, as well as the time to expend extra energy.
When my son was about 6, I would tell him to go outside and run in our cul-de-sac.
He would ask me why, and I would giggle and tell him to just do it.
Then do it again.
Then do it again.
He needed to just get all that extra energy out of him so he could settle down.
Yes, I agree. My 7 year old also needs to run outside to expend all the energy he has but he is also very sensitive and is happy to sit for hours with his nose in a good book!
I really enjoyed this article Deb. I am expecting a second grandchild in December.Will find out at the end of the month the sex. If it’s a boy I will look at things differently
Thanks Deb, my second grandson is the epitome of action and physicality(?). He is very much in tune with his big brother’s activities and tries to keep up. He also enjoys quiet soothing times of quiet play- It’s interesting to observe from having the experience of being a mother and now a grandmother. I do think, contrary perhaps to public opinion, that having both a mother and father is the most optimal environment in which to raise a child. Thanks for all you do for children!
Awesome! And I am jealous that your are Mary’s neighbor – Dylan would love to have you for a neighbor : ) I have two boys (one is full grown at this point) and both of them have a quiet side compared to other boys. They both love to play hard and get crazy and have to have an outlet for that. Both have a part of their personality that needs their space and to be left alone…whether its with a book or a computer etc. My girl is wired much the same way in that manner – but is extremely outgoing in comparison to my boys. They are all unique – that’s what makes them great.