Ever since I was 12 year old I have had one dream—to be a MOM. I was the girl in all the family photographs holding a baby. I started babysitting at 14 and loved it. I used to get the babies out of bed just so I could cuddle them and pretend they were mine.
My first babysitting job was for a little boy and his 8 month old sister who was adopted because their Mom had lost several babies to miscarriages. It was because of Shell Bell (my little buddy who has been my friend now for 42 years) that I also knew I wanted to adopt a child.
Motherhood was a dream but not one easily attained. In fact, it eluded me for many years. I always thought I would have a baby when I was in my early 20’s. I even prayed I would be pregnant on my wedding day—I just wanted it so badly. By the age of 30 I just wanted to be pregnant but it did not happen.
I had been through infertility treatments with my husband for 6 years, the gambit of tests and pain and disappointment. At the age of 35 I finally accepted I would never have a child. And it was then that I first got pregnant. I would go on to have 4 pregnancies and lose 7 babies— because of complications, I could not carry any to term so I lost triplets, twins and two single babies.
I had told myself, after I questioned God’s wisdom, that He must know more than me and that I had so many unresolved issues from my childhood that maybe I would not be a good mother even if it is all I ever wanted. I did not always make the right choices and felt there was a payback for all those terrible things I had done when I was younger.I had to grab a hold of any reason that would explain how it was that I could not have a baby when so many others, less deserving (in my disillusioned mind) were having babies so easily and with less conviction or love. But, after all these years, I did learn one thing; it was not my place to make those judgment calls. The truth was, there was no explanation, it just WAS.
Then, when I was 39, I met a little girl who was then 10 months old. She was this beautiful blue eyed baby who I met at a time when I was feeling empty due to losing my babies and she was in the middle of a very ugly and disgusting custody battle. The photo on top of this page was taken the first day we met.
Without going into all the details, it came to be that I became her foster mother for the next 4 1/2 years. During that time my family warned me not to get too attached (like that didn’t happen that first day she reached her arms out to me)because she was not mine. I never imagined she would be with me permanently but while she was in my care, I would love her as she needed to be loved no matter the cost.
Reunification is always the goal of the Foster Parent Program but it takes the birth parents cooperation to achieve and that was lacking in this situation. So, after almost 5 years, this little girl was freed for adoption. On September 9, 1999 at 9 am (Armageddon), we were pronounced adopted. We had already discussed that her last name would change to mine (she called it getting married and of course we dressed up in all our fancy finery).
But, (without saying anything to me)my daughter asked the judge if she could change her first name too. She did not want the name she was given by the birth family and a few weeks prior had asked me what I would have named my little girl. It was decided that she would now be my daughter, Jordan Ashley Twomey.
This is the point in a story when we close with “they all lived happily ever after.” But, adoption has its own set of issues and one of them is the trauma and genetics of her birth are not left behind simply because we were now a family.
I always say, I feel blessed we had the first 13 years together with little incident other than the normal growing pains of life. But, at the age of 14 I knew where my daughter had come from, had caught up with us. Her behaviors changed drastically and though I kept being told it was hormones, I knew better.
At 16 my precious daughter, who I barely recognized anymore, was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. That story is for another day. For this blog, I just want to say that I have never regretted how we came to be a family or loving her.
Though this is certainly not the end of our story, it for all intents and purposes, a new chapter. I pray daily that my daughter receives the help she so desperately needs and returns to me. The stress of the lifestyle she has chosen has taken its toll on me but I still have hope that one day—it will be better.
And there is one gift that I cannot overlook and that is my granddaughter, McKenna Elise Rose. Her birth may not have been what I hoped for my daughter but she is here and she is loved by here Nonna Debbie.
Being a mother is what I have always dreamed of even if this is not the dream I had of what being a Mom would be like. I am a mother and a grandmother. I wear those titles well and proudly. Happy Mother’s Day.
"I have dedicated my life to the care and welfare of children. I feel privileged to share what I have learned with you. I am also committed to continuously learning. I will keep informed of the latest information in parenting children from newborns to teens and pass it on to all of you.” I will also use that same passion to help you create a dynasty generate increases in your business with straightforward and specialized media managing skills that guarantee your connection and scope will grow. Keep up to date reading our posts and discover valuable insights that guarantee your connection and scope will grow. Keep up to date reading our posts and discover valuable insights that can make parenting and succeeding in the business of the blogger–the most exciting adventure. (Debbie Twomey)
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
what a beautiful and touching story…thank you for sharing it!
What a great story with a happy ending. You have a beautiful granddaughter. I too wanted to be a mother ever since I could remember. When my youngest brother was born I was only six years old but loved “taking care” of him. I also had fertility problems and felt the same, that I was being punished. I realized God had a plan which included the adoption of my amazing son. Now I am a grandmother and loving every minute. Loving reading your stories, keep them coming
You’re a good mom and nonna, Deb…..Jordan and McKenna are two very lucky girls
I don’t think anyone can read this without crying…
This story will touch the heart of everyone that reads it. My tears shed and the goosebumps are still on my arm.
You have made a great difference in my life in the few years we have known each other and I will cherish our time together and you are an amazing friend and woman. Any man or woman can only go forward in their life with you at their side and I am proud to be your friend and have you in my life and in my heart forever.
Okay, that made me shed a tear, still pain involved, although I agree ” IT JUST IS”. I am guessing this is a pain that will never completely go away, but when you take inventory of all of your other blessings, it definitely eases it.
Debbie,
thank you for sharing your journey to motherhood and beyond. It is so easy to take motherhood for granted, and people who struggle with fertility problems go often unnoticed by others. I know your daughter was blessed to have you for a mother, and from all the lovely pictures, so is McKenna!! I admire your spirit old friend!! Happy Mother’s Day, you are a beautiful person!
Your story has touched my heart not only because it is a story of love but because it so closely resembles my own story of passion for becoming a mother when mother nature said no…I too am a grandmother now, mine our 13 & 14…I am blessed to be raising them and I thank God everyday for them. I love your spirit and positive attitude about your daughter. You both will be in my thoughts and prayers. Nothing happens by accident…as with you life has not gone as I had hoped with my daughter…but I take comfort in knowing I was meant to be her mother and grandmother to the most amazing teens you could ask for. Thanks for sharing. Blessings~denny
Loved this! I remember hearing of your struggles to have a baby back in the day. I am so very happy that you were able to finally become a mother. God did have a different plan for you. He saved you for Jordan to have the mother she needed, and i think he saved THE BEST for her. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY DEBBIE!
Debbie,
As long as I have known you and your family and always knew the Twomey women were strong but your story broke my heart. We are always truly blessed to be Mom’s and the role of Grandmother is a a beautiful thing. I am so sorry you went through so much to be a Mother, something alot of us take for granted. Your grand-daughter is lucky to have you in her life, love and enjoy that beautiful little girl. Happy Mother’s Day Debbie and much love and admiration to you.
Thanks for sharing your story! I will pray for your daughter. I always believe that God makes all things beautiful in His time!