I have always thought that saying “boys will be boys” (as is the case with many –) was too confining. It sometimes gives the impression that in order to be a boy you have to be rough and tough. Or that being a boy gives you certain rights to act out in ways not really acceptable. In raising boys just what is a mother's role?
Is it Nature or Nurture that tends to influence the difference between baby girls and boys? Or do you believe there are no innate differences? I can only write about what I have observed, at least to a certain degree (and how certain is anything really?)
These views never imply that ALL boys and girls are born this way or that all mother and fathers parent the same way—that would be preposterous on my part.
I have noticed that little boys tend to be more impulsive. This does not imply that girls are not—only that boys outnumber girls on being impulsive, from birth. Boys will need many more opportunities to spend aggression and their energy—but this is not always the rule. When it comes to child-rearing, nothing is written in stone.
I have observed both sexes and still maintain that girls are more drawn to tones and faces while boys go directly to movement. Boys are quick to get into action while girls may actually think about what they want to do—even as early as 6 months old.
I have talked about the differences between boys and girls. There has been some disagreement and that is because no theory is 100% ever. There are always exceptions. But what I do know for sure is that boys need the influence of their Moms (and/or mother figure) just as much as their Dads.
We all want our children to grow into healthy, well-rounded adults. But what exactly does this mean? To me, it means that as much as a boy needs the physical interaction of his father, he will also need the nurturing support of his mom.
Mothers are the first teachers of trust, empathy, support, comfort and usually gentleness. Some fathers believe this could inhibit their son’s ability to be “sturdy and tough” but in actuality, it helps them to be stronger in all ways.
A mother’s bond can seriously affect a son in positive ways and help them to become more successful in all areas of their lives. Mothers understand this and usually will not try to change their son’s “maleness” but promote that and their emotional side as well.
Lessons and gifts from a Mother:
- Safe haven—she allows her son to cry when necessary and wipes his tears letting him know she is there for him
- Teaches empathy which one day will aid I his becoming a good human being and husband
- Letting her son go but always assuring him she will remain constant
- Remain as their “hugs and tenderness”
- Be the respite they need and perhaps introduce music, books, and other quiet time activities
- Help teach them about emotions including ways to deal with frustration and anger and how important self-control will be
- Moms can be the channel for boys that will allow them to recognize emotions. By understanding this boys will be better equipped to communicate and eventually respond to conditions. This sensitive skill is nurtured by the mother and will serve their sons well as they mature.
- Shows the softer side of love with affection and this will eventually enable them to form healthier bonds as they grow
- Mom’s influence also helps develop a boy’s understanding of gender differences and honoring them
- Enjoy and encourage the “maleness” while remaining the female influence
- Moms are essential in helping sons learning socialization—it comes more naturally to them than fathers (usually)
- A mother can demonstrate strength and consistency while remaining flexible and soothing
There is no disputing a boy benefits from having both a father and a mother. This just notes why a mother will be vital to her son’s growth and development—not just as an infant but as he matures. When he is done playing his rough and tumble games, it will be to his advantage to have a quiet and peaceful place to come to—his mother’s arms and heart.
“Far from making boys weaker, the love of a mother can and does actually make boys stronger, emotionally, and psychologically—- But most important, far from making a boy act in ‘girl-like’ ways, a loving mother actually plays an integral role in helping a boy develop his masculinity.” William Pollack, Ph.D.
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s important that we understand their is an important dynamic of having both mommy and daddy in the home. Where daddy is too strong, physical, and disciplinary, mommy is a little bit softer, gentle, and nurturing. It’s important that a child witness both these sides.
Me as a mom of two boys, not only is my job what you outlined above, but I”m also the first image my son sees as a woman. By my actions to myself, my husband, and him, will be the only way my son chose his mate.
Oh I like this one!