Ouch that hurt!
Have you ever been snuggling your toddler and all of a sudden you feel a painful pinch? Your first instinct is OUCH and then maybe anger because your happy little person just bit you (and it is a tiny bite that pinches even more).
The other day I was playing with my little buddy and he came in to snuggle my chest and ever so quickly, he bit my boob. I am going to tell you my first reaction was shock and then I was upset because it really hurt me. But I also knew he was not angry when he bit me, he was actually quite happy.
After I put him on the couch so I could think clearly, I tried to explain to him that while I know he was excited, he cannot use his teeth on me—it leaves a boo boo. He understands “hurt” only in an abstract way right now.
I then thought about why he would bite me. I know he is going through a very oral phase. He chews his blanket, he chomps on any plastic item he can and he has his hands in his mouth quite a bit.
I also know he is just refining his word skills so maybe he just did not know how to express happy excitement and in frustration, thought this was the way. And I know there was no malice in his bite.
In researching the whys of his need to bite, I was surprised to discover:
- Frustration can be happy or angry, but the need to express is the same
- Toddlers need outlets for their feelings and chances to express their fears and frustrations
- Toddlers are still developing their communication skills and this is one form of expression for them
- Parents need to address immediately no matter what the reason
- You should not try and make them ashamed of their action but offer a gentle reprimand
- Looking your child in the eye and show them you are displeased but not mad helps them understand
- Try not to overreact or get too angry
- Instead of saying No or Don’t try using words like We keep our mouths to ourselves and it is not nice to bite anyone
- Don’t over explain, say it once or that attention becomes the target for your toddler
- Be consistent no biting is no biting
- Never, never bite back
- Parental attention is essential to your child
One thing I have learned over the years—children thrive on praise. Not so much in a general way but very specifically like “what a good job you did picking up your toys.” If you just say good boy or girl it is too vague and does not have the meaning you would hope.
Your toddler is usually seeking attention or a way to express what they are feeling so help them out. Give him the tools. Josh started out with Sign Language so if he can’t find words, I have shown him a sign for happy or fun. I think he really prefers his words now since he talks a blue streak but I wanted him to have a variety of ways to say, “I am happy.”
He needs a way to release those words. So I calmly told him I am listening and not mad at him, but I needed him to know biting is not allowed so let’s hug and see what he needs.
Toddlers do bite out of frustration and anger too and the same principle applies. They need an outlet for their feelings and as parents we need to divert them from biting to other ways of coping or expressing how they feel. Even when the target of their biting is another child it is usually an expression of aggravation and the same rules apply—calming let them know biting is not allowed and what is bothering them. If they cannot find words and you do not know what it is just remove them from the situation to avoid a repeat.
It helps to know the signals of when your child is about to bite and head them off with a gentle hand to their head and holding them back explaining biting is not allowed. There may be particular cues in their behavior as to why they may bite, like frustration when it is time to go for a nap or when another child is taking your attention. Pay attention to these signals and it can help you address it before it happens.
With Josh, when he's getting very affectionate or happy playing and comes at me quickly, it may mean he is so happy and biting is next. So now I will just be sure to hold him close and ask, are you a happy boy or having fun with Miss Debbie? And then let him show how excited he is without biting.
Using these simple guidelines can save you from an Ouchie the next time your toddler gets a little frustrated—whether he is happy or angry.
"I have dedicated my life to the care and welfare of children. I feel privileged to share what I have learned with you. I am also committed to continuously learning. I will keep informed of the latest information in parenting children from newborns to teens and pass it on to all of you.” I will also use that same passion to help you create a dynasty generate increases in your business with straightforward and specialized media managing skills that guarantee your connection and scope will grow. Keep up to date reading our posts and discover valuable insights that can make parenting and succeeding in the business of the blogger– the most exciting adventure. (Debbie Twomey)
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Boy oh boy do I remember the days of those nasty little bites! It was never done in a malicious way, but the pain was still there. Wish I knew about all the information you have talked about in your blog! I probably would have not had quite so many black & blue marks.
Thanks Debbie, and I hope many moms, dads, friends and siblings redl and learn:))