The changing of the guard is what I refer to as that period of time when your child is preparing to leave daycare (or daycare provider leaves your home) and not sure who is in charge.
Emma had been with me all day and it been a fantastic day. I never had to raise my voice, or repeat myself. She was such a helper for 4 years old and the day was just such a pleasure.
Then came the bewitching hour—or 15 minutes, however long it takes for a parent to pick their child up from a daycare. That girl that spent the day with me is no longer recognizable. She has become a screaming banshee and while her Mom and I are discussing her wonderful day—she darts across the street to their car. Normally she would not even think of going near the road but when Mom comes to pick her up, all bets are off.
Why does it seem that your child’s behaviors change radically when you pick them up from daycare? Here is what my experience has taught me.
A young child can only process so many things before they become overloaded. As a daycare provider I try to honor each parent’s wishes as to how to discipline and interact with their child, but in the long run, I am the adult. If it is in my home, the child is well aware of the variation between houses. They are the child and I am not their parent. And while they may accept that they need to do as I ask just as if I were their parent—they are quite sophisticated enough to know there are differences.
I believe we are blessed as daycare providers—we do seem to get the better behavior most often and I am not sure why I just know it is true. For the most part, I have seldom had major behavioral problems with any child in my daycare, even those who were considered the most difficult elsewhere. But, that is not the truth when parents show up to take that same child home.
Here are some steadfast concepts I have discovered in my 40 years:
A child knows when you are serious and if they can get past you
A child gets confused when another adult is in the same room with parent and both have “control”
A child will almost always play the parent against the daycare adult—to test limits and to assure themselves who is the parent
A child gets very agitated if the expectation is to go home when the parent arrives and the parent stays a bit too long
A child is aware of differences between home and daycare environment
I always had a very fundamental rule—if your child shows signs of frustration and anger when you come to pick them up make the transition as quick as possible (I used to jokingly refer to this as my 5 minute rule—get them ready and get out for all our sakes). You may remember I once said, they are angry at you for leaving them even if they love the daycare provider—- (http://www.djtwomey.com/daycare-routines-dropping-off-your-child).
Having a healthy environment for your child is so important. There are different definitions of healthy and one is- what will make the transition to and from daycare provider to parent happy and stress free. Make the changing of the guard less frustrating by simply doing it in a timely manner —bye bye.
"I have dedicated my life to the care and welfare of children. I feel privileged to share what I have learned with you. I am also committed to continuously learning. I will keep informed of the latest information in parenting children from newborns to teens and pass it on to all of you.” I will also use that same passion to help you create a dynasty generate increases in your business with straightforward and specialized media managing skills that guarantee your connection and scope will grow. Keep up to date reading our posts and discover valuable insights that can make parenting and succeeding in the business of the blogger– the most exciting adventure. (Debbie Twomey)
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This is a great, great blog and so informative! I never used a daycare with my young children, but I do think this it is a wonderful tool for growing children when it is used properly and your tips are super awesome:) Good job Deb.